My Wife (and the crazy dates I had to go on to get to her)

ORIGINALLY posted Mon, 11-22-04

This is going to be a longer one, ya may want to bookmark and read when you have some time…It’s worth it, I promise….

So let me tell you a little story about MY WIFE and how we met…

When I got out of the Navy, I was looking for any kind of job that would pay my bills….That job ended up being Waldenbooks and I worked there with a great group of girls and 2 guys…..It was a no-brainer….It was a cake walk….I sat there, did my homework, and let old people buy calendars….You know those little stands in your local mall full of calendars? Yeah, that was me…..Pretty strange going from an Electronics Technician in the Navy to a job usually reserved for 17 year old high-school kids….I didn’t care, I was bound and determined to do something with my life and prove to the people in the Navy that had told me there was nothing else that THERE WAS LIFE OUTSIDE THE NAVY…..

One night when I was working two young ladies walked past me and I, being the friendly guy that I am, said “How are you ladies doing this evening?”…..No sweat right? Well, they walked past a couple times and I said the same thing….Finally on the third or fourth time, one of them came back all by herself and I said, “Did you need help finding a calendar?” <—-THAT line gets ’em every time! and she said “No, actually I came back to talk to you”….I said, “Uh, ok. No problem”….We swapped cell phone numbers and that was that….(By the way, TO THIS DAY my wife and her friend claim that I was flirting)

I had a date that night when I got off work with a girl who worked down the way at a jewelry store in the mall….That date was nice but it wasn’t “amazing” (for those of ya that remember falling in love, you know how “the spark” works)….It was a nice time but this poor girl didn’t really draw me in….I was pretty stand-off’ish when it came to making new friends after getting out and she didn’t have what it took to bust down my wall….

The same night that I met my wife, I met two other girls (I know, I know…I couldn’t believe it either!)….I called both of them and set up dates with them, a couple days apart each…..I went out with one girl, to a coffee shop….I’m a pretty direct guy and I asked “So what’s the deal? You’re a good looking girl, no kids, no boyfriend? Tell me a bit about ya…” She said, “Oh well actually I AM married….We live together because both of our names are on the mortgage and it’s just easier that way….We don’t really act married”….This is the part where Dave says WHAT THE F******??????? and gets ready to leave….That’s what I did…..”Yawn, phew I’m pretty tired! Had a nice time, I’ll call ya later”……End of story right? NOT….A few days later, this girl came up to me at work and said “Hey Dave, how’s it going? I parked next to your green Toyota pickup truck, license plate ##$$@#@”…..Maybe it’s just me but doesn’t that sound a little too Fatal Attraction?????? Yikes…..Anyway, I finally got rid of that girl eventually….

The second girl I met that night I called and set up a date to see a movie and grab dinner (come on now, it’s not original but it’s tried and true!!!)…..We agreed to go see Zoolander and I would pick her up (in my green Toyota pickup truck, right Glenn Close?)….She lived in Georgia and I had a decent drive ahead of me….I didn’t care, what else was I going to do? Well, this one’s even better than the last one….I met her mother before we left, seemed like a nice gal…..We get about 10 miles down the road and she says, “My mother made me bring protection. Since 9/11 she doesn’t really trust anyone”. That statement kinda threw me off….I said “Holy cow girl!!! I don’t plan on moving THAT FAST!!!!”….She said, “No silly, not THAT kind of protection” and proceeded to pull a hunting knife from her purse…..Needless to say, I’m a bit freaked out by this time but she’s got a knife…I told her, nervously “Don’t worry about me! Please just give me a warning if I piss you off”…..We go see Zoolander and I’m laughing my ass off but everytime I laugh and I don’t hear her laughing, I check out of the corner of my eye to see if she’s sharpening her knife or anything….Yikes….I take her home after the movie and she says, as we pull into her driveway, “Wow, I made it thru the whole night without my medication!” <—–I ABSOLUTELY AM NOT KIDDING YOU!!! THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!! I peeled out from her driveway, to say the least, never to call her again…..

So now we are to my wife….You can understand that I was a bit leery, just from my recent track record….I called a buddy and he was to be my “out”….For the women who don’t know what that means, it basically is a way for me to make a quick getaway should my future wife be a crazed, married, knife-wielding psycho….Well, my future wife and I got along pretty good…..She lost over 100 pounds before she met me and I didn’t believe her….She brought out her license picture and I couldn’t believe it…..I was amazed and really enjoyed myself with her all through dinner…..Well, my “out” fell asleep so my wingman was not present….I honestly didn’t care though, I enjoyed her company….It came to be the conclusion of dinner and my “out” had been to go see The Last Castle with my buddy….I asked my wife if she’d like to go see a movie….She said “sure” and that was that….I didn’t have a cell phone so I used hers (yeah, real classy I know) to call my buddy….He was knocked out and didn’t answer….No sweat, we saw the movie and everything kind of went from there….This was October of 2001…..I proposed at the end of January 2002 in front of a movie theatre full of people who had just suffered through Richard Gere in The Mothman Prophecies…..
Here’s a pic of the t-shirt I wore…..

So there ya have it….I’ll probably end up writing more at a later time….


2 thoughts on “My Wife (and the crazy dates I had to go on to get to her)”

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