Amityville 3D

Guess you probably just read my review of Amityville II: The Posession. Well, to make things worse, we rented Amityville 3-D!

Woo hoo!!!! Three dimensional schlock!!! Woo hoo!!! Somebody turn off the fun!!!

He he he he, just kidding. I rented it with a good idea that it would stink. But that’s ok, it means that I wasn’t let down.

The third entry in this fine horror franchise revolves around a muckraking reporter who decides to move into the house himself ‘cause it’s such a great deal. He is a firm believer in not believing. Basically he says towards the beginning of the film that people only believe what they want to believe. There’s no hocus-pocus nonsense going on at the house.

Ooooooooh, we find out that he’s wrong! Oh, he’s sooooooooooooo wrong. There’s all kinds of hocus-pocus hanky-panky taking place in THIS house. It’s absolutely terrifying! What a frightening film!!!!!

Not.

There is a scene with the flies buzzing around and killing one person (they’re in EVERY MOVIE) and then another that doesn’t even take place at the house where a woman gets trapped in her car and lit on fire.

What’s funny is that it was originally released in 3-D and there are several angles and shots that would have been totally sweet in 3-dimensional viewing but since it’s only a 2-D film on rental, we were like “what the hell is the point of THAT shot?”

Several scenes just seemed to exist for the director to linger on something….

And linger some more….

And then a bit longer….

For instance…..

One scene towards the end there’s a poltergeist film crew setting up shop so they can get on film the creepiness that is Amityville. Well, the boom mic operator takes his time with the microphone and the camera zooms in on the boom mic.

Kind of interesting seeing Meg Ryan as a teenager and also the girl from Full House, Lori Loughlin, but overall an unremarkable dud.

What’s more terrifying to me is that my son may actually dress like this in 13-15 years from now.

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