Mindhunters

This movie stars Val Kilmer, Christian Slater, LL Cool J, Johnny Lee Miller, Kathryn Morris and Clifton Collins Jr, as the FBI’s elite criminal profilers. This group as profilers was about as convincing as Michael Jackson’s marriage to Lisa Marie Presley but anyway, on with my thoughts on the film.

The group is put on an island training facility and left for the weekend. They are to work together and build a profile of a killer that Val Kilmer’s character has called “The Puppeteer”. Shortly after arrival, they realize that someone among them has their own agenda and is playing a twisted game of picking them off one-by-one.

In the defense of the film, the deaths get more creative and gruesome as the film plods along but the first death was unbelievably cheesy. I was sitting there, mouth agape, and waiting for a clown to come to my seat and give me a balloon or something. Absolutely hokey-riffic.

The killer preys on each trainee using their weaknesses and eventually the group has been whittled dwon to 3 people. By the time the killer was revealed I found out that I didn’t really give a shit who it was but couldn’t tear myself from my chair because I don’t get to enjoy movies in the theatre anymore (or very rarely!)

Some of my main “issues” with the film include the acting. Hey, acting is a pretty major part of a movie. The story itself was interesting enough to warrant a viewing but the acting (and there was some decent actors, just not giving good performances) was paper-thin and weak. Johnny Lee Miller’s accent was horrid. His “southern boy” drawl seemed to come and go and then occasionally you’d hear (when he got angry!) his British accent come poking its head thru. Get a voice coach, dude!!!!

The entire cast was too pretty as well, but then again that’s what Hollywood assembles now. Noone wants to see super intelligent people playing super intelligent people. You’ve gotta select a cast that looks good. Never mind if they can spell their own names, they just need to be pretty. This cast was pretty. You’ve got LL Cool J who, in my opinion, is not a great actor but still one of my favorite guys. He’s cool as shit I think, just not a very fine actor. Another gripe on appearances was that all of the actors looked like they had just came from an Old Navy commercial or a frat party, not the FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION. Totally unbelievable.

The characters jump back and forth between scared, whimpering little kittens and strong gun-toting Special Agents as well. Yes, I know I was in a movie, but the ease at which they lose control of their emotions seemed very unprofessional (it’s a movie, I know I know!)

Christian Slater and Val Kilmer were in the movie just long enough to get some billing and collect a paycheck. Don’t be misled. They are the two big names on the marquee but they are not in the movie any longer than the first half hour (and that’s probably being generous)

Anyway. I’ve rambled long enough. The movie is worthy of a rental but I wouldn’t shell out another $6.50 for it in the theatre.

5/14/05

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