Dear Robin…

Robin WilliamsDearest Robin,

Although I doubt you and I would have ever met face to face in this lifetime, I always held out a small glimmer of hope that we might. I watched you for years and laughed so hard sometimes that the exhaustion would carry from my jawbone all the way down to my sides. I know that I would have been a blubbering idiot if given the chance to share a moment with you. Sadly, although the odds were stacked against us ever being in the same immediate area, you guaranteed by ending your life that it would never come to pass.

People are in shock, Robin. They don’t understand how someone so funny and constantly upbeat could have been in so much pain inside. They don’t get it.

I do though. I get it. Although it may sound presumptuous of me to say that, I’m fairly confident that I get at least some of it.
Continue reading Dear Robin…

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The Beast – Part 2

male_depressionThis is Part 2 of my thoughts on depression. To see the introductory post, check out The Beast – Part 1.

If you’ve come here and you think nobody is listening, click here to skip to the end.

During my Navy time, I spent four years on a missile cruiser. I got to know some of the best guys I ever could know and a lot of that has to do with the fact that when you suffer together and put your lives in each other’s hands, there are bonds made. Being out to sea for months on end with other men, you talk about things. When you’re NOT talking about things with others, there’s plenty of  time alone as well. It’s amazing to see God’s creations out there (dolphins jumping, the sunset on the ocean, the sun RISE on the ocean), but as a single man away from friends and family, it can get a bit lonely as well. Although I may have gotten inside my head only slightly in high school, I took long sojourns into my head while out to sea. The time spent floating in the middle of the ocean lends itself to plenty of self-exploration time.

Continue reading The Beast – Part 2

It’s A Wonderful Life

It’s probably not a good idea to let me near the keyboard when I’m in an emotional state. Oh well, TOO LATE.

This movie is so damn good. You know those warm fuzzy feelings you get sometimes? Those feelings that your grade-school teachers use to call “Warm Fuzzies”? Those feelings that as you grew up got more grown-up names like “indigestion”, “heartburn”, and “gas”? Well, this movie leaves you with a good, warm feeling. There’s no confusing it with anything else. Plain old-fashioned warm, fuzzy feelings.
Continue reading It’s A Wonderful Life

Suicide

So how was YOUR weekend?

I spent Sunday morning in the Medical Examiner’s office, observing 4 autopsies…..The wife’s best friend’s hubby is a homicide detective and asked over dinner on Saturday night if I’d like to tag along for an autopsy he needed to attend the next morning….How many times in your life will you get asked that? I said yes, of course and that was it….

He picked me up the next morning with a dozen Krispy Kreme (yum) donuts. Since I am on Weight Watchers, of course, I had no donuts…I was proud of myself….Anyway, whatever…..

The main person we were there to observe was a 20 year old kid who had put a 44 magnum to the right side of his head and pulled the trigger….He had almost an entire case of beer in him before he did it….That couldn’t have helped his depression much….

I’ve never seen the inside of the human head, especially after it’s been cleaned out by a powerful gun such as the 44 Magnum….Very interesting….I realize that in order to do that job as a living (the autopsy doctor) you’ve gotta be just a little “off”….The attending doctor was a little off, that’s why I mention it….

The other 3 autopsies taking place were an 89 year old woman who had died at the nursing home after being strapped to a chair and unable to breathe, an overweight gentleman who appeared to have a heart attack after a car accident (I didn’t really ask, I just picked it up in conversation), and the one autopsy that I made a point to NOT watch very much of, was the 28 day old newborn who had suffocated in between her mother’s breasts during the course of the night…..The detective for THAT case called it “Death by Tits”….There is actually a slang term for it, it happens too frequently….

Bummer…..I’ll write more later…..
posted Tue, 08-03-04